Friends and enemies.

First, I do not believe women should be blamed for rape.

But, secondly, I do believe in personal responsibility.

Safety.

I feel that is a problem in our ‘post-modern’ view of dating.  Too much of our ‘dating’ has been formed by ‘romance’ literature.  Seduction and conquest are taught as ‘Love.’  And THEY ARE NOT.

Love is love, and love values the people in our relationships.  Love does not abuse them.

And as I responded our fellow blogger.

I firmly believe much of the differences between her and I could be summed up in the words:

“Fear leads to reload.”

I would add, an empty clip should be the adequate result of fear. Unless the fear is minor, then one or two rounds should suffice.

But, one of the reasons violent crime has become so universal is that we are perpetrating a culture of victims.

You cannot grow victims without also growing perpetrators.

IMHO. What is your opinion?

Ghost.

misslisted

Recently I participated in a brief exchange on Facebook on the topic of sexual assault.  The person who initiated the discussion was upset by the comments following an article at Jezebel.com written by a woman who had been sexually assaulted on the street.  Apparently the nature of the offending comments were of the “I would’ve broken his hand!” variety.  My friend’s premise in her Facebook update was that this kind of attitude is harmful to the victims of rape and sexual assault, and only serves to perpetuate the problem.  She stated “Okay, actually, I get it: they are trying to comfort themselves with the idea that they are invulnerable. The problem with this is that they are implicitly blaming the person telling the story for, basically, being incompetent to defend themselves.  This reinforces rape culture, because it reinforces the conception that the onus is on people (mostly women) to NOT GET RAPED.”

I couldn’t agree more, and, like…

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2 Responses to

  1. Friends,

    Here is the response I gave to Misslisted:

    Normally, when I read, or hear, the ‘f’-word, I go to self defense mode.

    So, please forgive me, I am trying to interact with you. And my self-preservation mode is already activated by your violent choice of wording.

    You wrote:

    “like my friend on Facebook, I understand the “It couldn’t happen to me because I would have killed the son-of-a-bitch“ response. But I also know it is a totally unrealistic delusion, and it is one that is extremely harmful to a victim of sexual assault or abuse. Like my friend, I believe that it perpetuates and reinforces this kind of crime. Unfortunately I know this from experience.”

    I responded to this. This statement was contrary to what I know to be true studying violent crime, and survivor stories.

    More of my study focused upon robberies. So, I went out and studied. The references are on my blog.

    OVER HALF of the women who fought their attacker felt it helped them.

    This would seem to contradict your statement that it “is extremely harmful.”

    If God blesses me with a daughter, I will teach her to fight. If she is unable to, I will teach her to forgive herself.

    I am not SURE, but I believe my approach is holistic.

    Regards,

    Ghost.

    And as I wrote, there is more on my blog.

  2. Here is what I responded to, edited:

    Hi Ghost,

    What do you mean exactly? “How a person being protected from violence lessens your ability to heal?”

    If I coud’ve ripped that mother[edited]’s [edited] off I would’ve. Does that make you feel better? It doesn’t make me feel better, but it’s part of the truth of how I feel in retrospect. The fact is, I chose a different path. I was terrified, and I made a choice. He was WAY stronger than me. I had no protection other than making the best choice I could.

    I do not live in fear…I feel protected now. Always. And not because I am packing heat. I do not believe in acting out on violent fantasies, but I do believe in self defense in whatever form that may take. Sometimes it’s by any means necessary.

    Peace,
    Misslisted

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