I really do not talk about this period of my life much.
Clinically, I might have been diagnosed as mildly depressed. So, let us begin that journey gently and slowly.
I was studying math at my university, and I burned out. I burned out on school, work, work, and more work. I had three jobs and University classes. And my classes were Mathematics.
I burned out.
As I burned out, I had a spiritual break down. I began drinking, heavily. To me, God no longer existed.
Don’t misunderstand, I did not become an atheist. I still “knew” that I had had spiritual encounters in my life. I just no longer had any idea what those encounters meant in the practical world I had encountered in my studies.
I was no longer comfortable with “god,” much less the real “God.”
I became comfortable with the idea that I had “grown up.” I had learned that in the modern world, “god” was not a part of reality. And I felt I was supposed to ‘mature,’ and ‘grow up.’
Yes, Liberalism does this to many people. Some recover. Others never recover.